if i can run in heels then i can drive
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
