What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Gay?
German.
Pity.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
