i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
