No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
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I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
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No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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