She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
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i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I need a beard to bite.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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