yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
