well I can't set my house on fire every night
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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