you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
