I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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