im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
