At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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