I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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