I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
