He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
