i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Drake has all the answers
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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