Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
