When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
