I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
