Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize