Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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