so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
