Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
