You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
