So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
