remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i already hear my dad disowning me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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