Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
