never play flip cup with pint glasses
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
