I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
