Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
