Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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