i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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