I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
