Whod you bang
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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