I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
