I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize