If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
