Cold hands, warm shart.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I don't think brook has ever known best
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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