my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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