girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
