The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
