turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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