Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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