you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
