oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you win again, gameday.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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