i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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