after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
