I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
