I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
