My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
