just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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