proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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