Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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