My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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