Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize