Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
