Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
