I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
