I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
