I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
