when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
