When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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