is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
