There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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