Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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