Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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