Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
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The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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