worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
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